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I Envy the Person I Can’t Be Right Now
There it was, in the middle of my Facebook feed.
“WE’RE HIRING!!!”
I stared at the announcement, convinced that the universe was sending a message. A few days earlier, I was rambling to my therapist about feeling “stuck” in some aspects of my life. Turning 50 left me anxious about what I perceived as a quickly vanishing amount of time to pursue some unfulfilled life goals.
And now here was My Ultimate Dream Job, working for — and with! — a living icon whom I admire deeply. I’d have to permanently relocate to a beautiful, tropical island — ironically, one where I vacationed two months earlier. Leave my family and friends? No problem. I’d probably see them more than ever because everyone would come flocking to visit me in my new abode.
People do this sort of thing all the time, right? Drop everything, move to paradise, start living their best Instagram-able life?
(Should my current bosses happen to be reading this, allow me to state unequivocally that this is all fantasy mixed with satire and I am quite content in my existing job where I hope to stay gainfully employed until I retire at age 90. At the earliest.)
I realize — as you probably do, dear reader — that I had applied for and gotten said job and moved 1,400 miles south within nanoseconds after…
